When we are experiencing a dramatic moment in our life, our basic instinct is to crawl into a ball, pull away and protect yourself. Every living thing from fungi to humans has a built-in defense program to be protected from harm.
It is a very physical response; we pull away or run away or are prepared to fight if the pain and trauma come from an emotional aspect, real or perceived, we immediately want to withdraw from it. When we are expecting or experiencing physical pain, or emotional pain our minds and body seek something that is familiar and comforting.
Moving away temporarily, erasing the pain also gives us a moment to regroup,
and gather our thoughts and compact and composure. However, many times we will retreat to what is familiar, be in a comfort food, solace and comfort in alcohol, drugs or other behavior.
There is always a search for a familiar safe scenario, where we can feel something that is similar to safety and where we have some control over what is happening, or at least what we have played out in our minds.
This can be healthy if we are able to use our past experiences to guide us, to move more quickly and to resolve our current situation. If you have done your homework and know how to use that familiar place to rectify our current experience, we will be successful and stronger.
But let's talk about when resuming, what feels familiar can be devastating and draw us back into an unhealthy situation. If a person has been opening up their awareness and taking great strides to dissolve a caustic habit or relationship, they can find themselves moving into destructive behavior again. This is when moving into that familiar place, that thought pattern, that behavior can really stop our forward progress. Changing our minds, our familiarity, our acceptance of worthiness may begin to erode any further progress.
No matter how strong or resilient we have become, or how many hours, weeks, months, or years we have devoted to our new selves, when we feel extreme fear, we look for a familiar port, a safe place. Sometimes these seemingly safe places are in our past experiences, the very ones that have proven unhealthy for us.
This can lead to more depression, more feelings of worthlessness, and expose ourselves again to the people with whom we had chosen to sever relationships. The very people you were moving away from when you started toward self-love might say, 'We liked you better before you changed,' and now they welcome you back, hoping you will revert to your old self.
This is when all that we have done and given ourselves toward self-love begins to look like a sham, and we fall back into the familiar. We all do this in little ways or in life-changing ways. This can be as simple as wanting to add a new workout, sticking to an earlier time to rise and shine, or eliminating certain behaviors and foods that may not be for our highest good.
When we skip the workout or hit the snooze button to sleep just this one time, it reminds us of our familiar routine of letting things slide. These are everyday occurrences that we all encounter; however, there is a huge difference when fear and doubt come into play. When these things happen, and fear is rampant and we have shut down, it is hard to relate this to anyone, especially the people who have been our guides and inspiration toward our new self-love.
I feel everyone who has experienced life has had the opportunity to be in a situation that they really understood was not for their highest good. I never realized how much of a people-pleaser I was until I found myself in a new life situation.
I was now single again and in the workforce. I had rented a manicure station in a beauty shop. I furnished everything, my table and my supplies. The owner had someone come in that he had an interest in and proceeded to ask if she could use all of my things. I totally surprised myself when I said firmly, 'No, that does not work for me.' One of his employees walked by my station and said, 'That is not like you.' I realized that I had spoken up for myself and was about to change and create a new me. I went into the restroom, locked the door, and stood there giving myself a victory dance.
When your familiar is caustic and damaging, because it is familiar and normal for us, we accept that this is how everyone lives. When we choose to step out of the familiar and re-create our version of safe, normal, and familiar, it is a process that requires changing our minds, changing our hearts, and changing our familiar. The stronger we become, the more easily we realize that when we are confronted with fear, doubt, or low self-worth, trusting what we are creating as our new familiar will sustain us in the face of adversity.
Every Tuesday evening, I have a heart-centered meditation at my center in Mesa, Arizona. I call it the open-heart meditation. I guide the group into our heart’s center, feeling it with joy, feeling it expands and vibrates faster and faster until we become our true essence as beings of light.
If anyone is in the Phoenix or Mesa area, please give me a call and be part of our open-heart meditation.
I see you, I appreciate you, I honor you
© Care’n Mooney
Comments