15 hours ago

The Second of the Four Agreements: Don’t Take Anything Personally by Care’n Mooney

I would love to hear about the experiences that you had using the first agreement. Now, I would like to share a story with you that really brings the first agreement into focus.

This story by Claude Steiner is called "The Warm Fuzzy Tale."

In the small village, all the people at their birth were given a basket of warm fuzzies. They could be given out freely and would never be gone. People would give them to everyone to brighten their day.

An old woman in another village that sold potions and spells grew very angry because no one would buy her potions. How could she sell potions for love and hope when the whole town gave away these things freely? So she went to town and began to speak, saying the warm fuzzies would run out and people needed to keep them for themselves.

People were hoarding their warm fuzzies, and people began to have fear, doubt, and unhappiness.

We have all received what is called a left-handed compliment from someone we thought was a friend. They would tell us that we had on a nice outfit, but it looks too tight on you, turning the compliment into a cold prickly.

The whole town was miserable, not handing out their warm fuzzies and keeping them close because they thought they would disappear. All except for a small child who kept giving away his warm fuzzies, and they never ran out. One by one, the impeccable words overcame the cold prick lies.

The village realized what poison the woman had spread, and they again began to share the impeccable words with everyone.

Now that you have practiced being impeccable with your word, we can jump right into the second agreement: don't take things personally. This is an interesting concept as we have always been programmed that we are the cause and effect of everything around us.

When we are infants, we do not take things personally. We are because we are; we explore, we create, we experience joy just because we can. As we are slowly programmed to be responsible, we learn to assign blame and judgment to everything we do. We develop “personal importance.”

Don Miguel says personal importance is taking everything personally is the maximum expression of selfishness because we assume that everything is about ME. We have not learned that each person is in their own dreams and are creating their drama, trauma, and experiences. We make the assumption that it is our fault when our parents fight or our friends act like they do.

Because we carry a thought of unworthiness, doubt, and fear within us, we assume that when someone says something negative about us, they can see inside of us. Remember, they are living in their own doubts, fears, and worries and are just saying how they feel and think. Their opinions are the thoughts according to their own agreements. Then they speak poison words that can affect us if we choose. We always have the choice not to consume their poison. Do not eat their emotional garbage, or it would become your own.

I have used this phrase, and it helps a lot: What others think about me is none of my business.

When you do not listen to the poison, and you do not take it personally, you can avoid your own hell. Don Miguel says immunity to the poison is the gift of the second agreement. When you take things personally, things can offend you and cause you to defend your beliefs, which causes more conflict.

I taught my daughter to reply when someone disagreed to simply say, "I respect your right to your opinions; they are different from mine, and that is okay."

When people shower you with praise, remember it is because at that moment, they are happy with you, and it is easy. And as they are being upset, they can shower you with negative words. You know your worth, you know your self-love, and so you do not need the confirmation of others as to your worth.

When you are in a state of awareness, you do not seek the approval of others. When you are impeccable in your own self-talk, you realize that you are responsible for your thoughts and your actions. When we speak to others, and we are impeccable with kindness and love, we can uplift others.

Even when you are living in love, joy, and pure happiness, others want to tear it down because they do not have the ability to attain this happiness for themselves. How important our self-talk is in our minds. We are still dealing with the remnants of our programming, and sometimes the negative thoughts come out.

Part of our mind is still running over the old programs, and it needs to be dealt with. This is where the brain cleaning starts. When we speak to ourselves with impeccability, and we don't take things personally, these tools can weed out and remove the negative debris from the dusty corners of our mind. Being aware of the fact that things still come up takes away the fear and the dependency on that it feels safe, so I will not change. Also, as humans, we have been addicted to suffering. We are told that this is the human state; all humans suffer; it is part of our lot.

Someone who feels that they must suffer seeks out another person who will oblige them and make them suffer. It is like wearing a kick-me sign. By not taking things personally, we begin to break the cycle of needing to be punished or needing to be the punisher. A relationship built on mutual suffering is definitely not a relationship that is caring, loving, and inspiring.

When we see a person without their masks and not taking things personally, we cannot be hurt by their behavior. People try to present themselves as what they think is perfect. They lie to themselves, and they lie to others because they are afraid that the world would see them as imperfect.

On this journey, and as we do this work, we may feel hurt, but not getting attached to the hurt is what heals the wounds. You find that you do not need to trust others as much as you trust yourself because you are capable of making your choices.

When you really cannot take it personally, you can avoid a lot of anger, jealousy, and sadness. This is the freedom that is amazing, and you are immune to the poison of the world. You can break the habits and routines that have trapped you in someone else's dream. You are only responsible for your actions and not others. And with that comes the integrity to take your words and actions that always be with love, inspiration, respect, and mostly integrity.

Every Tuesday evening, I have a heart-centered meditation at my center in Mesa, Arizona. I call it the open-heart meditation. I guide the group into our heart’s center, feeling it with joy, feeling it expands and vibrates faster and faster until we become our true essence as beings of light.

If anyone is in the Phoenix or Mesa area, please give me a call and be part of our open-heart meditation.

I see you, I appreciate you, I honor you